Shaky Shakespeare and a Cough To Boot! - Day 87

When Aileen and I first saw the advertisement for Much Ado About Nothing, starring James Earl Jones and Vanessa Redgrave, we almost peed our pants with excitement. Much Ado is Aileen's favorite Shakespeare play and I had never seen it performed on stage before. The tickets were a bit pricey but then we were delighted to find reasonable tickets on Groupon! (That should have been a friggin' big red neon sign, but that's besides the point.) Long story short, we met for dinner before hand and then headed over to the theater for the big event. We had amazing seats - 12th row, center orchestra. And then we settled in for the most painful theater experience of all time.

Holy crap.

It was the worst thing I've ever seen.

Torture.

It was as if the cast members were saying the words but had NO IDEA what they meant. The set was bizarre. The acting was god-awful. And worst of all, a number of the actors smoked cigarettes and cigars throughout the scenes, all the scenes, and we were literally choking to death! I had my shirt over my face and Aileen had to wrap her scarf around her nose and mouth. By intermission, A and I were like, "We gotta get the hell out of here!" Clearly, the solution was that we needed to go to the bar! So we went to a local Mexican restaurant, ordered margaritas, and then had a field day berating the hell out of the show.

Thank God for good friends... and tequila! Definitely not what we had expected, but once again, turned a negative into a positive and had a great night in spite of the terrible show.

The "Missing" List

When I lived in Paris I kept a similar list to this: a list of the things I would miss about Paris when I went home and a list of the things that, while I'm in Paris, I missed about the States. I ended up finding the list years after I moved back and it so... heartwarming. I remembered all of the things that I wrote down and why I wrote them. It made me really miss Paris and simultaneously grateful to be home in the States.

So here is, the UK version:  (This is a work in progress so check back in!)

Things I Miss about Home (the States):

* Of course, my family and friends

* MY DOGS!! I can't wait to cuddle the crap out of them! 

* The NFL (Even though, maybe it was better that I didn't have to suffer through watching the Steelers this season! Ugh.)

* REAL EFFIN DIET COKE and UNLIMITED ICE 

* Real, legit Netflix (Although, I have become surprisingly addicted to some of their crack tv here!)

* MAC (workin' and just shopping - it's my addiction and I've been going through withdrawal)

* My glorious King-sized cloud bed

* Shopping at home without having to worry about currency conversion (Damn you 1.60!)
* Bubble baths.... hmm....

Things I'll Miss about London:  

* All of my friends and their WILD diversity

* The accent (duh!)- I have learned so many new words and phrases that I am totally taking home with me! 

* Real, live gentlemen ::sigh:: 

* Their very efficient tube system and public transportation in general (though it is a bit pricey)

* My itty-bitty flat (It may be tiny, but it's all mine!)

* The access to Shakespearean plays and history (Though I still haven't made it to Stratford-upon-Avon! Shame on me!)

* The Roadhouse (Home of ridiculous nights out. 'Nuff said.)

* Upscale chain restaurants like Jaime's, Bill's, Cote

* The markets! (Mainly Borough and Portobello)

* Aspalls (my favorite drink that will ever be)

* Westfield

* My Starbucks and Pablo

* Alex and Houshang

* Easy and Cheap travel all over Europe!

* Feeling safe in the city - everywhere I go!

* Pubs here are like 90% dudes!
* My friggin' leather jacket that is somewhere in this city. Someone out there is enjoying a beautiful new coat. (Yup, still not over it.)

Reason #18972 Why I Should Have My Own Reality TV Show - Day 86

   I really should have my own reality television show. No one would believe some of the crap that I do or the shit that happens to me on a daily basis. Let me give you just one small example of what a ridiculous human being I am. It is going to require you to imagine the scenario as best as you can. If you work the 'mental picture angle' I can almost guarantee a chuckle - even if it's laughing at me as opposed to with me. (Though I admit, I was laughing pretty hard at myself through the whole thing!)
    Okay, here goes:
    I was supposed to have a cooking class tonight, macrons specifically, but it was canceled at the last minute so instead, I went home to do some writing and school work (aka watch Netflix and eat Thai Sweet Chili crisps). I'm chillin' in my bed (and just for the story's authenticity I have to be graphic and tell you that I'm just chillin' in a tee shirt, no pants - as most do while chillin' at home). All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see something scurry across my "kitchen" floor and dart into the nook behind my trash can. (Let's be honest, my "kitchen" is a sink and a stove-thingy an arms reach from my bed. My apartment is the size of a large walk-in closet! So this 'thing' was friggin' close!)

She makes it look so classy!
I wasn't quite so cute. :(

Clearly, now, I panic.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Do I pursue it?
Do I leave it be?
Do I not even look and pretend I didn't see a thing?
NO! I would never be able to sleep!
    The answer, of course, is to leap out of bed and look for a suitable weapon. I thought for one second about running to my neighbor's apartment and getting William to do a sweep for me, but I figured Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, & Betty Friedan would roll in their graves and the feminists of today would smite me where I stood (lay, whatever). Okay, so that plan was out!    
     Therefore, I looked for a weapon that I could use to prod back there without getting too close. Is it weird that the first thing I grabbed for was my hair straightener?!? Yup, I went at it with my Paul Mitchell straightening wand. There I am, pants-less, waving my hair straightener in the general vicinity of the garbage pail nook. Cause GOD FORBID I GOT TOO CLOSE AND SOMETHING ACTUALLY SCURRIED OUT! Yeah, very effective. I needed to re-strategize. First part of the new plan, PUT ON SOME DAMN PANTS just in case I needed to flee from my (possibly) rodent infested apartment. Fight or flight? I'll try to fight, until I see a rat, then it's sayonara Mighty Mouse, enjoy my shoebox apartment - it's just your size!
     Are you ready for the punchline kids? I finally grab a knife the size of my forearm and start poking at something that is wedged back there and it is a friggin' chestnut shell that blew off my plate from the counter because of the open window and it rolled under the sink nook catching my eye in its flight. A CHESTNUT SHELL!?! Dear God.
Who'd even believe it?
I need some wine. Like a whole bottle. And I'm losing the pants. Don't judge.

Another Brilliant Weekend with Awesome Friends! - Days 83-84

Friday: Tonight, I went out with my new friend, Karen, at this very posh bar near Liverpool Tube Station called Dirty Martinis, which was serving half price drinks for Happy Hour! Woohoo! Let me just say, Passion Fruit Martinis are the devil! Well, they're awesome but dangerous. Karen introduced me to some of her friends, Cindy, Alana, & Reese, who were so fun. The bar had just opened and it was beautiful and full of some pretty fancy people finishing up their pretty fancy jobs. Yippee for happy hour in the financial district! Anyway, so everyone began to peel off and Karen and I were left to bar hop around town. We were headed over to The Queen of Hoxton but only made it like three doors down before we saw a bar called "Dirty Dicks" and Karen yelled, "Dirty Dicks?!? Get in there!" and shoved me inside. Man, I knew we'd get along! We met a boat load of people in there... mostly blokes. (Hey we're two single ladies out on the town! Give us a break!) We met a group of guys that we really got on with and we all headed over to Piccadilly Circus to go to a bar called O'Neill's that had an awesome band playing! We danced like idiots for hours! It really was great fun!

Me and my new mate, Karen! Good craic, she is!

Don't worry - it's a fake!

Gettin' to work!

Laughing like fools! 

And some more silliness...

Saturday: Today, after waking up thinking my head was going to explode, I got in touch with Eric to finalize our plans for the day. We had plans to go to Borough Market with our friends Ashley, Stevie, and Heather and then have dinner together. We met around 3:30 at the market and milled around a bit, looking for some delicious treats for dessert later and then headed over to the Globe Tavern for a couple of rounds. I was awesomely lame and had soda water! Well, for the first round at least. For round two I bit the bullet and had a pint and like magic felt a million times better. Dude, hair of the dog is no joke! That shit really works! Finally, we made our way to back to Eric's apartment where he prepared a lovely and MASSIVE lasagna fit for a king! We nibbled on all of our desserts and thought for one second about going to Inferno, the dance club in Clapham. But we were all suffering with food babies and lasagna comas so dancing was OUT! So instead I waddled home to have a most satisfying sleep!

Some of the Best and Worst of Britain - Days 81-82

          Aileen and I had a hot date with her television at her flat in Richmond! Ow ow! She wanted to show me the way of "bad British tv. She had told me how terrible some of their programming is and I couldn't believe what she was telling me, espeically because I don't have a television of my own. So we decided to order some Indian take out and find some crazy, crack British programming to entertain the crap out of us for the evening. HOLY MOTHER OF MERCY. She wasn't exaggerating! Their television shows here are INSANE. Let's begin with a show they call "Embarrassing Bodies." Sweet baby Jesus - I have never seen so much genatalia in my whole life. And obviously not normal genitalia (hence the show's title), which would have been a lot in and of itself. No. It was morphed, misshapen, fleshy, flaming, masses of gamey junk. ::Cue gagging here.:: It reinforced the fact that I am NOT cut out for a career in medicine. UGH. Seriously, I'm traumatized by the things I saw. And worst of all is that they blurred out nothing. NOTHING! I wish I could tell you more specifically what exactly we saw (and screamed about upon seeing!) but I can't without scaring all of you too. Needless to say, A and I were seriously like little girls screaming our heads off! It was friggin' hilarious! And then we watched the UK's version of the Jersey Shore called Geordie Shore. Let me tell you, there is no was to describe this show. None. It is, dare I say, like a hundred times trashier than our version. Especially because, once again, they blur out nothing! But they are also just crazier and they speak in wild accents. It is amazing television! Fo' real.

My yummy breakfast of eggs and bubble and squeak!

We had a ridiculously hilarious and fun time just sitting around and watching tv. ::sigh:: So great.
       She and Jeremy invited me to crash at their place and then A and I woke up, went to a delicious breakfast at Bill's (a restaurant, not a guy's house!), and then jumped on a bus to head to Hampton Court Palace, which I've been dying to see for weeks! We caught an absolutely beautiful day - blue skies and sunshine galore! It was pretty chilly out - it's amazing how quickly the temperature has dropped over the past two weeks. But aside from the nip in the air, it really was a nice day! Anyway, so we arrived at the Palace and it was utterly massive!

Before we toured the palace we decided that, since London weather can be a bit temperamental, we'd explore the maze garden first. Holy moley. It was a serious maze! Like Goblet of Fire style maze and we couldn't get our asses out for umm... quite a while! But it was really fun!

Me and A just starting in the maze! We are optimistic!

Umm,  a while in, I was nervous that we were never getting out!

Then we went in and around the palace for like hours! There was SO much to explore and I was like a big, nerdy, grinning freak who couldn't get enough. I've always been so fascinated by the Tutor reign of England and the whole Henry the VIIth saga and this was like freakin' Disney World for me! Gah!

Me and Henry cheesin' it up!

Busy dude,  eh?

The walkway from the East gardens to the Palace. 

I felt like Alice in Wonderland with these crazy mushroom trees!

Ahh! I'm blinded by the sun! 

So many fountains and such extensive gardens! So impressive!

Once the temperatures continued to fall even farther and we were freezing our asses off, we decided to call it a day and catch the bus back to A's flat. We had such an awesome slumber party and a great day at the Palace! 

      Another one for the books, baby!

Jet Lag is Still Kickin' My Arse! - Day 79

I've been home in London since Friday and my internal clock still has not reset. I lay awake until 5:30am staring at my very white ceiling, listening to my neighbor snore like a banshee through my paper thin walls. Torture! Uhhh... I'm certain that the bar crawl this weekend didn't help. And the mess continues when I go to sleep SOOO late and then sleep in until like noon.
Bedtime tonight?
8:00 PM.
(Haha - yeah, right.)

Temporary Starbucks Boycott - Day 77

Just a quick note: 

Delicious, addictive, toffee nut latte.
It's like crack. Sigh. No mas for now. 

     Ladies, a word to the wise: take it from me, you probably shouldn't date your local Starbucks barista. Why? Well, just stopping in for a latte now makes you a stalker. Damn it all. Now I have to go to the Starbucks like a mile away instead of down the block. Lesson learned.
     This comes as a response from a pretty awesome date I had the other night with the Spanish barista, Pablo, at the Starbucks down my street. I went in today just to get a coffee and realized... eh, too soon. Even though he was super excited to see me, I still think that I need to lay off the caffeine (at least of the Starbucks variety) for the next few days or so.    
    At least until he calls again. ::wink, wink::