21 Day Fix - Day 18 - Making Habits

They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. Now, I don't know if it's true, since I feel that the word 'habit' by nature is more intrinsic, more automatic, than something that is only done for 21 days. But hey, it's a start. Maybe it's the hump you need to get over so that it's a habit that you can make - does that make sense? Like it's difficult to stick to something for 21 days, but if you do, you're likely to continue it. I don't know, but either way, I feel like this healthy lifestyle thing is something that I should be able to stick with for a while. Generally, I don't feel deprived. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. And if an event or food item begs to be indulged in, then by God, indulge I will. It just won't be the norm anymore; the crap food that tastes amazing but is a bitch to work off will have to be the exception.

I'm pretty excited about my progress. When I weighed in at the beginning of the week, I recorded that I am down 3.6 pounds (which doesn't seem like much, but it's only been two weeks!) and down 9" overall. That's crazy! So not only am I getting leaner, I'm building muscle. I can't see it. I can feel it. And that makes the hard work worth it.

I know that I'm not going to be finished after 21 days. I'll continue until I get to my goal weight, and maybe even after. But truth be told, I think that my key to success this go-around has been the accountability group that I belong to on Facebook. There are about 100 people who were invited into it and we are all doing the program together. On the page, we share successes, failures, concerns, recipes, workout pictures, and motivation. At first it was annoying to have the constant alerts from strangers, but it keeps it present in my mind at all times. When I hear that 'ding', it's almost like a Pavlovian response that resets my brain to focus on healthy choices.

I can't say that I can't do it alone. I have before. But it sure as hell is easier when you have a friend, a buddy, and/or a support system to keep you going. To encourage you when things get tough. To remind you that shit happens and that we are all going to flub up and that's it's okay.

21 Day Fix - Day 10 - A Mistake Ain't the End of the World

I know I skipped a lot of days of blogging, but really, it's because there isn't all that much to report. I'm sticking to the plan. I'm working out most days a week. I shoot for a goal of five out of seven. If I can do all seven then awesome, but I feel like five is fair amidst my teaching schedule and you know, life.

Photo credit: http://mealandaspiel.com/

In general, I'm feeling really great! I have noticed that my appetite has decreased. I don't crave the crap food as much any more. And I am seeing a difference when I weigh and measure myself, which is encouraging! I won't say I haven't "slipped up' because I have - I'm human. But I want to try to reprogram my brain to not think of these moments so negatively. It's just a part of life for god's sake. I mean, I don't want to live in a world where I can't have a bite of cake every once in a while. That, my friends, ain't a life worth livin'.  

And I think that the way we perceive these so called 'cheat' meals can be really harmful to our psyche. We eat something that off the plan and maybe not so good for us and we instantly feel a sense of overwhelming guilt. We feel like failures. And that feeling sucks! For many of us, eating has emotional roots, so to be overcome with such a sense of defeat can actually trigger more harmful and binge-like behavior. It's a vicious cycle based on a warped mentality. And it takes time, work, and constant effort to work on it.

I went to a nutritionist/support group/behavior health study thing at Drexel University. In fact, it's sort of what kicked off this whole weight loss journey five years ago. It was orchestrated through their psychology department, not medical school. (How interesting, right?) And the study focused on behavior modifications - how to build and deconstruct both good and bad habits, how to rewire your brain to think about exercise and nutrition, etc. It wasn't a miracle cure. There weren't any magical electrodes or shock therapy or brainwashing. It was just common sense strategies that we could implement in our everyday lives to help us make better choices. The weight loss element of it was based on good ole-fashioned calorie counting and exercise. Ain't no other way to do it. Tracking input vs output and working on how to make time for physical activity. We also had a one hour meeting to discuss obstacles and difficulties, as well as successes of our week.

The reason I bring this VERY LONG story up is because our group leader said some really great things that really stuck with me long after our meetings were over. The first is that if you have a 'cheat meal' - if you go bananas and stuff your face with chocolate covered bacon topped Belgian waffles or something equally as delicious yet devastating calorically - most people think, "Well, I effed up my day, I might as well just say screw it and eat whatever I want and then just start over again tomorrow." This, I have learned even though I am SO GUILTY of it myself, is detrimental to success. There is no reason to that we can't identify that the waffle wasn't the best choice, but with the very next thing you eat, make a better one. Try to make up for it by eating better things for the rest of the day and then you don't set yourself behind as far as you would if you just go balls-to-the-walls and eat everything in sight. Starting over is hard because every time you start over you're reminded that you quit. You messed up. It's psychologically debilitating.

I know that this weight loss journey is a journey for life. It doesn't matter that I lost 100 pounds, that I gained a few back, that I'm working to maintain my weight and all the good habits that I worked so hard to form way back when. The past, oddly enough, doesn't matter. It's all about the present. The choices that I make right here, right now. These choices, these habits, are now a part of my every day life. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have to think about the things that I eat and the kind of effect they will have on my body and my health. However, if I am going to make such an effort to improve my body, then I might as well, while I'm at it, make an equal effort to improve my mind and my self-confidence. I don't think that they need to be mutually exclusive. I feel like being overweight my whole life has been psychologically damaging. It has left scars that I'm not sure will ever heal. But it's also made me a stronger person. I have had to face and overcome a lot and every step of that journey has made me the woman that I am today. A woman I am pretty proud to be.

So here's to not beating ourselves up over making mistakes. We're human, it's gonna happen. (If it doesn't you might be an andriod!) Life is hard, but maybe if we learn to take these mistakes in stride, they damage won't be as everlasting.

21 Day Fix - Day Two

The happy face of a girl whose finished her workout!

I thought I'd be waaaay more sore today. In fact, yesterday I told one of the girls in the accountability group, "Not gonna lie: the thought of [working out] again tomorrow, in spite of the debilitating soreness, kinda makes me wanna cry. But as the great Taylor Swift once said, we're gonna 'Shake it Off' and kick it's ass - even if it's in slow motion." But it's not as bad as it's been in the past, which is awesome.  

Today's workout: Upper Body Fix. So my arms might be jello tomorrow... we'll see. Actually, there isn't much to report for today. Thankfully I'm not all that hungry, which is good, and that has helped to stay on track with the eating part. 

The reason for this post and the main theme of this entry today is to explain a revelation that I had today during the second round of my circle crunches (which, by the way, suck!): and it is that NO ONE IS GOING TO DO THIS FOR ME. I can quit. I can slack off. I can lie. I can phone it in. But no one benefits or suffers from half-assing it except for me. I mean, I was giving it my all today during my workout, but when it was getting hard, it was that thought that pushed me through it. 

I've been overweight my whole life. When I was growing up, my parents used to try to encourage me to exercise more and eat the right things (etc) right through my teen years and straight into my 20s. It wasn't until I was ready to do it on my own that things began to change. I had to not only want it for myself, I had to want to fight for it, in spite of the difficulties and struggles. 

And I am so grateful that I finally had that epiphany. I wish I would have had it sooner. But everything happens for a reason and everything happens when it's supposed to happen, so I live with no regrets. But bottom line: this is my battle, and I'm in it to win it. 

21 Day Fix - One Day at a Time - Day 1

I purchased Autumn Calabrese's 21 Day Fix back in the summer, mostly because of the workouts. I like the idea of a 30 minute intense workout. EVERYONE HAS TIME FOR 30 MINUTES!! It comes with a pre-measured, color-coded tupperware eating plan I thought would be simple, but it ended up overwhelming the shit out of me. It's based on a clean-eating style diet with strict portion control. I get it, conceptually, but in practice it was making me crazy. And it ended up being something that I couldn't stick with.

Now as you all now, based on the title of this blog, I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. But maintaining it has been almost harder than the loss itself. You notice the scale creep up one pound at a time and you make excuses: it's water weight, it's hormones, it's the heat, it's the cold, it's the alignment of Jupiter in the sun's orbital axis, blah blah blah. Until one pound turns to two turns to ten. You get the picture. I've worked TOO EFFIN HARD to go back to where I was. It ain't happening.  Let's get that clear right now. IT AIN'T HAPPENING!!!

Well, I've crept up more than a few pounds, nothing near what I used to be, but it's still me rockin' and rollin' in the wrong direction and I need to take steps to turn this shit back around. One of my best friends (Ashley) also ordered the 21 Day Fix a while ago and we discussed the pros and cons of the program last time we were together. Since then, she has really gotten on board with it and is kicking its ass, and is organizing an 'accountability group' on Facebook of about 85 people who all check in, offer tips and recipes, and keep the enthusiasm up. I said, you know what? Why the hell not?

So, it's day one and I already got off to a shit start. I couldn't find my stupid containers (I think my mom gave them away when she was packing up leftovers for my sisters. Not that we don't have 8,000 other tupperwares!! GRRR!!) I didn't know what to eat for breakfast. My dvd player decided to poop out when I went to do the workout and had to restart it three times. Ugh. Life was fighting me hard. But this bitch fought back and in the end, (I think) I won.

Truthfully, I'm probably not going to follow the eating plan outlined by the program and instead will do my own version of a low-carb, clean-eating style diet and track my calories with My Fitness Pal. I just don't see the tupperware and the style of counting and tracking to be something I can stick with. Therefore, I need to make accommodations to make it something that I can do - something that I want to do. Today was the official start day for the 21 Day Fix Accountability group, but I've been eating in this fashion for the last week and already see results on the scale so I know that paired with the workouts, I should do well.

But I'm jazzed about the 'accountability' part. It's something I need in order to be successful. When I first started losing weight about five years ago, I needed to register for a race (actually a Sprint Triathlon - check out that blog entry here) in order to hold myself accountable to work out. All I kept thinking was, "If I skip my workout today, I'm gonna look like a jackass on race day when I'm dead on the side of the course." I thought about starting Weight Watchers for the same reason. But it is costly, and I already have the 21 Day Fix program, and Ashley has volunteered to be my coach - which means that she checks in with me and is my lifeline if I am staring down the face of a chocolate dessert into which feel myself caving. (I can only imagine that phone call - my voice wild with panic, the desperation palpable.) I had to write her an email today with all of my measurements and my weight and it kinda made me want to jump off a bridge. Or a cliff. Or out a plane without a chute. But I did it. This is what being accountable is all about. And if I can't tell this shit to my best friend then who can I tell? Best part? Is that she gets it too. Not that I want her to struggle in any way with weight (and trust me, she is by no means 'fat') but she is someone who understands that weight loss is a continuous battle. An every day struggle. My family (God love'em) doesn't really get that. They've never had to struggle with weight the way I have.

So here we go. I'm kinda stoked to be blogging again too! This is what this blog was supposed to be for. I will certainly keep you posted. Let me know if you guys have any questions and I'll be sure to answer them as best as possible. Aside from that, pray for me.

This is the face that says "Eff, I really don't feel like doing this right now, 
but I'm gonna do it anyway!!"