The Bucket List

    Alright, so I feel that I should begin by telling you that when I first conceived this blog idea, it was originally to chronicle my trials and tribulations specific to training for a Triathlon Sprint (which, may I mention, is rapidly approaching six months from now!) I wanted to explain that I was a fat girl and have, since my journey through weight loss, transformed into a motivated wildebeest of unbridled intensity and motivation - but that would be a lie. Don't get me wrong, I am determined; I am ready for this challenge, but the moments of laziness and sparks of sheer terror at the thought of swimming, biking, and running for the majority of a whole day pretty much makes my hair uncurl. I can't pretend that there aren't moments where I still think I can't do it. There are definitely still moments where I think like a fat girl, and see myself as a fat girl. At times, I do become overwhelmed when I focus on the negativity of "can't." But the difference now is that I've seen myself do something that I never thought was possible! This epiphany has opened the door to the millions of things that I once thought to be impossible. So negativity be damned, I am going to complete a Triathlon Sprint, and soon.

     But then I got to thinking, "Once I finish with that, then what? Will my blogging days be over only six months after they've begun? ... Oh hell no they won't because I have more adventures to accomplish!"  Thus, the birth of my blog began. 

     Lastly, I just wanted to jot down, for those who care, a few of the goals that I have on this "bucket list." Some of them have to do with things from which I had restricted myself due to my weight, and others are just life goals and aspirations to make me grow and mature as a person. Ideally, I would accomplish the majority of these tasks before I'm 30, which was how the list was initially intended when I first started it two years ago. (Fear not friends, I haven't been sitting on my laurels waiting idly by for the past two years without checking some things off my list. I have accomplished some pretty lofty goals during that time, like spending a year as a vegetarian and picking up an moving to a different state, and some other good ones.) Back to present however, three years may not be enough time to do it all, and seeing as I just recently lost the weight that was holding me back from some of these tasks, I may be able to give myself an extension. 

So here are a few of my goals (and the list continues to grow):

1. Loose 100 lbs (almost there!)
2. Complete a Triathlon Sprint (this goal actually started as just a 5k but hey, what's wrong with stretching my wings and the brinks of my sanity?)
3. Tell someone how I am truly feeling without fear of hurting their feelings
4. Get a professional photo shoot done (I'm not talking about Sears Photo Studio, I mean like a fashionista hot-mama type of a shoot)
5. Join a sports team (oh dear...)
6. Become a MAC makeup artist
7. Be conversational in one new language
8. Complete a full length novel
9. Participate somehow in the production of the Vagina Monologues
10. Head a major volunteer project
11. Take a trip with just my mom and me
12. Go on a date with someone I meet online (ugh... this terrifies me...)
13. Be spontaneous without fear of repercussion
14. Re-involve myself in theater
15. Get set up on a date
16. Become involved in a Book Club
17. Start an A Cappella group
18. Live alone
19. Pick up an move somewhere new
20. Visit the Northern Lights
21. Visit an Asian country (maybe Vietnam or Japan?)
22. Party in Amsterdam
23. Go to a Superbowl (preferably one that the Steelers are in and will win!)
24. Go to a movie premier and walk down the red carpet looking FABULOUS!
25. Go on a date with *P.D (haha... this is a little bit hilarious)
26. Work as a makeup artist on a film set

... (more to come)...

Ok so as I train for, prepare for, accomplish, etc these goals, I will be writing along the way to share with you all of the joys and the pains that will inevitably ensue. Actually, I am banking more on hilarity than anything else, which at its most basic level, should provide some entertainment for you at my expense. And I'm ok with that. Hell, isn't that what it's all about? In fact, Dave Matthews said it best when he said "The space between the tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us comin' back for more."
Smart man.


UPDATE: As of August 22, 2013 I have completed: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 10, 12, 13, 14, & 17
Hopefully while living in London I'll be able to check off the list: 7 (does Cockney count? - haha j/k), 8, 18, 19, 20, & 22
Guess I gotta dream up some new goals to add to the list! :)

And so it begins...

       As you probably have guessed, I used to be fat... and it was not so long ago that this was my reality. In fact, over the last half of a year, I have lost 85 pounds and am still going strong. (woohoo!) I'm not sure of a goal weight or how much more I want to lose, all I know is that I am doing things that I never thought I would be doing; I am living the life I was meant to live. I am 27 years old and before this cataclysmic transformation, I had been acting like an 85 year old grandma, often opting out of activities due to issues with self-confidence (or lack thereof) or for fear that others would think, "What is that fat girl doing!?!"
       Now granted, I have never really been big on caring about what others think, that is until I reached almost 300 pounds. When you literally become an entity that even you don't understand, it is easy to believe that EVERYONE is judging you. And why the hell wouldn't they be? I mean, I spent most of my day judging myself so I guess I figured everyone would follow suit.
      Oh and for the record, I didn't "get fat" due to complete negligence or insatiable gluttony. In fact, if I catalogued all of the gyms I've belonged to and the number (and types) of classes I've attended, weight loss programs I've bought into and specialists I've seen, we'd pretty much be here all day. I've been overweight my entire life. Call it my genetic constitution, call it my not-so-lucky lot in life, call it whatever you want; but long story short, this has been an epic battle, my epic battle, for as long as I can remember. My first formal weight loss program was LA Weight Loss, when I was 12 years old... and the complex developed from there. Anyway, so tack on (as previously mentioned) about 15 years of fad diets and failed weight loss attempts and it reached the point where I was almost resigned to just accept the hand I'd been dealt and try to live as a happy fat girl. It was at that point that I realized that I had reached a crossroads - Am I throwing in the towel, giving up too soon?Am I allowing myself to be defeated? Would I consider this defeat? Or is this me finding happiness in who I am? I mean, if it is in the cards for me to be fat, maybe I should just find a level of comfort in my own skin and own it. I batted it around for awhile and realized that as I was growing in size, my self-worth was shrinking... rapidly. And that was definitely NOT the direction I wanted my life to take.
      Actually, not to toot my own horn, but I am smart. I am funny. I am cultured and witty. I have dreams and ambitions. I am fun and independent. I have attended an Ivy League University; I have lived in Paris and studied at the Sorbonne. I speak French. I am well-read. And on and on and on. Even at my heaviest, I completed the Breast Cancer 3Day - a 60 mile walk over the course of three days. I know that I have a lot to offer this world; so how can I allow myself to be defined as "fat" and leave it at that. Was I going to allow the world to see the me the way that I was, unfortunately, allowing myself to become? I am not now, nor have I ever been a singular, one-dimensional being. I am dynamic and have discovered a need to show the world that I am a sum of my very many parts!
      For that reason, I am taking life by the balls and fulfilling the long list of things that I have been benching as a cause of my weight. Life ain't holding me back no more! So for those of you reading this that are: hoping to lose weight, have been fortunate enough to drop the pounds that have been holding you back, or even those who, regardless of their weight, feel that they are not living up to their potential... GET OFF YOUR RUMPS AND LET'S KICK SOME ASS TOGETHER! I've decided I'm not going down without a fight, and I have a lot of life to live and a lot of time to make up for. It's now or never baby. Let's rock and roll! Who's with me?