Sorry for the hiatus...

    Hello friends! Sorry for the delay. My adventures have been sadly put on hiatus because I am a crazy person who decided to enroll in a Graduate Program for Writing, while teaching full-time and still trying to maintain my girlish figure. Basically, my 'adventures' have had to take a back seat to the craziness of my life. Unfortunately, I am also experiencing some very frustrating medical issues that no one seems to be able to solve, so that fills my plate and my time as well.
    However, in spite of all of the snafus, I have maintained my weight-loss since the 100 pound drop (within 5 pounds... I call that success!!) I feel like I'd still like to lose another 20-25 pounds, but in all honesty, at this point I am just happy not to be gaining! With the weather getting colder and my schedule getting more full, I haven't been working out as I would like nor have I been as careful with my food intake. But everyday is an opportunity to make better choices and remind myself how far I've gotten. There is no going back. So, with the holidays coming, I have to be even more careful and amp up my activity because there is no reason that I can't enjoy the food and festivities but still maintain my new healthy lifestyle.
   Ahh... It's good to be back.

All I Can Say is I DID IT! NJ State Tri Round 1 - July 23, 2011

Yesterday I competed in the New Jersey State Sprint Triathlon, the event I have been waiting for and training for since the beginning of this year... and maybe my whole life. Needless to say, it was nothing short of AMAZING! Seriously, I kicked some ass, if I do say so myself. I was so much stronger than I thought I'd be. I woke up at 4:45am after a restless night and dressed for my big day. I was all packed and ready to go and was accompanied by my dad, my sister and her best friend to the race. As I arrived, got body marked (it tickles!) and prepared my transition station, I thought I'd be more nervous, more terrified. But I guess it's true what they say, success is when opportunity meets preparation and damn was I prepared! I then went to the shore of the lake to stretch, BREATHE and take it all in. I waited as they reviewed some course instructions and protocols and still, I felt in control and excited... not fearful. As they began calling the waves to start the race, I was amped up and ready. Long story short, I KILLED  the swim portion. In fact, I was lapping people in the wave ahead of me, which started 5 minutes before my wave!! Oh yeah! And my biggest fear was that my nerves and anxiety were going to get the best of me, that I was going to go out guns blazing and then exhaust myself before I even completed the swim. But, even though I had a killer pace, I was in control of my breathing and paced well to finish in a good time. As I finished up the swim, I felt surprisingly good. The roar of the fans kept my blood pumping and a smile on my face. I was already finished a third of my race! However, the good goin' didn't last for long. 

The bike ride was a little rough, but more because I was riding a mountain bike and was working twice as hard as everyone else on regular racing bikes. Long story short, mountain bikes are NOT designed for speed. Or for distance for that matter. Ugh. And after all that biking (a whopping 11.5 mile bike) all I could do was think as I approached the dismount line was "Dear God, my legs aren't working properly anymore; I'm totally gonna take out some innocent bystanders!" (Thank goodness I didn't!) Also coursing through my mind was "How the hell am I going to run 3.5 miles after this?" 

Even though it was friggin hot and mentally, I was running low on fuel, I did it. I DID IT! And not many people can say that! And best of all, let me tell you - NOTHING beats crossing that finish line. I'm not gonna lie, I cried. Like a baby. I was so friggin excited that I really did it; I finished strong and whooped my goal time by 45 minutes. Yup, I finished the race in about 1:45! Hot damn, I felt like I could conquer the world. Hey, maybe I will. Who knows?

Anyway, what an awesome experience! I don't know if it's that I'm high on endorphins or friggin out of my mind, but I signed up for another race August 28th! Let's see if I can beat my time. 

By the way, I can now claim that I am officially a TRIATHLETE! Now how many people can say that?!?

STATS:  Overall Place: 1234/1366; Swim Time: 11:42 - Swim Rank: 447; T1 Time: 3:37 - T1 Rank; 906; Bike Time: 52:22 - Bike Rank: 1290 (On a Mountain Bike!); Run Time: 39:27 - Run Rank: 1185; Total Time: 1:51:52

Memorial Day Pool Party? Run for the hills!

   Or at least that what i used to think. I mean, I can truly think of very little that could classify as more humiliating than strutting around in a swimsuit in front of people you know when you are pudgy. So I used to run for the hills at the mere thought of a pool party invitation. I would miraculously contract a rare form of Malaria or be laid out in bed with Indonesian measles... and then be instantly cured as soon as the party was over. Whew. Bullet dodged. But at the end of the day, who was I spiting?  Myself, of course, who was stuck at home while my friends were whooping it up, splashing around and enjoying their youth.  I'm pretty sure my friends could care less if I was 50 pounds or 500 pounds, but in my head, donning a bathing suit publicly was on the same playing field as kissing your cousin - you just don't do it!
    Fast forward a year and a hundred pounds and my outlook on swimwear has obviously drastically changed. Now you're lucky if I even wear clothes... haha BIG JUST KIDDING! But seriously, this past weekend, Memorial Day, I was invited to a BBQ complete with pool-time festivities and I wasn't apprehensive to go. In fact, I was looking forward to showing off my new bod. And boy was I well received. My friends, some of whom I have not seen in a while, were floored at my transformation. They were doling out compliments and expressing how proud they were of my hard work and how amazing I looked. I was on cloud nine and climbing. For the first time, in a long time, swimsuit season doesn't scare the ever-loving crap out of me. Instead, I am looking forward to being beach-bound all summer. And let me tell you, I can't wait!

HOLY CRAP... I HAVE A FOLLOWER!

Hello LewisFamilytexas! I am so excited to have my very first follower - I feel like this is a monumental benchmark in my blogging career! :) So thanks for following and feel free to say hello when the mood strikes ya! I wanted to write you a personal message, but as I have mentioned a few times I am technologically stunted and became confused when they asked me to sign-in and follow my own blog (all things I had to do before I sent you a message apparently). Anyway, I wanted to wish you the best of luck with your own weight-loss adventures. Let me know how it's going - you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Update on #5 on the Bucket List

    #5 - Join a sports team. For a former fatty and a lifelong unathletic awkward girl, this task seemed fairly insurmountable. I mean, first of all what sports team would want me? Second of all, was I up to the challenge of making a complete ass of myself everytime we'd have practice or a game? Well the answer to those questions came to me about four years ago when I was on one of my many weight loss kicks and was trotting (aka huffing and puffing at a mild walking pace) at the local high school's track. Below where the track sits are the school's softball fields and I observed people my age (and older) playing on the fields. Every time I looped the track, I'd crane my neck to get a glimpse of the action. And I said to myself, "I want to play softball; I might suck, but at least I could meet some new people and also have a new method of exercise that wouldn't bore me to tears." I returned home and told my dad (who has always been incredibly athletic and has played on numerous softball teams even in his older age) that I wanted to play and I thought that he and I should find a team and play together. We promised one another that we would look into it and get ourselves signed up to play the following year, and as luck would have it we didn't have to look too far. A friend of ours, a pastor at a local church, was attempting to start a team for his church to play in the league; now even though we do not attend his church, he was recruiting and we were dying to play. So in a serendipitous twist of fate, my dad and I joined the NCCC team for that following summer.
     This year will be my third year on the team and I have to admit, I'm still not great. But obviously, after having lost 100 pounds, playing has gotten a hell of a lot easier! We had our first scrimmage last night and I was AWESOME. And not just awesome compared to how I used to be, but awesome compared to the normal scale of athleticism! I was smacking the ball into the outfield, I was playing second base and right field, when I used to hide behind the plate as catcher. I was sprinting around the bases scoring one run after another - I was on fire. Now, instead of feeling trepidation for upcoming games and practices, I am super excited. To be honest, I guarantee I'll still have errors and flubs, but I'm out there playing better than I ever have and I'm having a blast doing it. I can't ask for anything more than that!

Kickin Ass and Takin Names...

   So I am a little more than two weeks into my intense Tri-training routine, complete with "brick" workouts (which are two segments of training back to back, like a swim and a run or a bike and a run, etc) and I am feeling GREAT! Last weekend I ran my first (unofficial) 5k and on hilly terrain no less, so I was pretty pumped about that. Forget the fact that when I got home I threw myself on the couch and took a BIG FAT NAP and was practically vegetative and useless for the duration of the day! Hmm... I gotta find a way to keep my energy up or else I'm gonna be laid out for a week after my Triathlon!
     But I have been consistently working out no less than 5x a week, swimming most days and alternating biking and running. Let me tell you, I am a sexy sight in a tight speedo racing suit, swim cap and goggles... if I didn't fear acquiring a stalker, I would post pictures of the beauteous sight. (Dear God, I hope you know I'm kidding!) Actually, I have a funny story - the first time I attempted a brick workout I attempted a swim/run combo. I swam .3 of a mile (about 30 laps in the pool) in about 20 minutes and then hustled to change and hop on a treadmill. So I start jogging mildly and out of nowhere I acquired the most WICKED charlie-horse in my leg, so help me god, I almost went right down. And all I could picture was me hitting the treadmill belt with the thud of a large water buffalo and then flying off the back and crumpling into a heap behind the still moving tread. So sexy.

100 Pounds Down!! WOOHOO! I Did It!

    Ladies and gentlemen, the moment we've all been waiting for... well, at least the moment that I have been waiting for (for a very, VERY long time): as of yesterday morning, I have officially lost 100 pounds. Holy Crap. It is unbelievable, even to me. In fact, I am waiting to wake-up and realize that I'm in a dream. 

    But you know what, it's not a dream because I worked my ass off (literally!) and I made my dream my reality. So yay me! YAY ME IN A BIG WAY! I feel like if I can do this, there isn't anything that I can't do. I decided that as much as I don't really want to, I am going to post before and after pictures. The reason for my apprehension is because it is hard for me to look at those pictures now and not be disgusted with how far out of control I let my weight (and my life!) get. But it's ok.... what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and maybe it can be a source of inspiration for someone else and hopefully continued inspiration for myself. (I'll try and get a full body photo up soon - I'm just not accustomed to taking any of those!)

It took me two hours to gather the courage to include this picture.
This is crazy for me to look at, just crazy.

Yup, I'm the rotund blonde on on the left next
 to my amazing and beautiful best friend, Christina.

Me and my svelte sister, Laura, on vacation.

ANNND NOOOOWWW!!! ... 

Woohoo!

My family - now I actually look like them!

Whoa... Where Did April Go?

    I wish I could say that I missed adding to my blog during the entire month of April because I have been too busy training for my upcoming triathlon - but I can't say that, so I don't know what happened. Don't get me wrong, I am training, but I feel like I've been talking more about training than actually doing it. Yikes - July 23 is going to be here before I know it.  Thankfully this epiphany hit me and as of the past two weeks, I have been getting more serious about training. I have been running 2 miles+ stints and feeling pretty damn good. This morning I ran a 2+ mile course with some pretty intense hills. Go me! On Monday, I am going to an athletic club to sign up for membership; this club has an indoor pool, hence my swim training will begin on Monday. Now I just have to get on a bike and we'll be good to go.
    I have also been reading a book called Slow Fat Triathlete by Jayne Williams (which has been pretty amusing and rather informative) and in it she discussed mental preparation as well as physical training. She said to develop a mantra to repeat when things become difficult, either in training or on race day. So as I was running today mine came to me: "I am never going back." I am not returning to a sedentary lifestyle. I am not going back to being a recluse. I am not going back to a time when I didn't step out of my comfort zone.  Look out bitches, cause this new me is here to stay.

Holy Crap!?! Ten Minutes!?!?

    I ran a ten minute mile today. TEN MINUTES!! That is freakin' insane. I shaved more than a minute off my time. Now, of course, I can't maintain that speed for any long duration, but merciful heaven, I did it and I felt good. However, note to self:  I need to stretch more effectively before I run... yikes. - Thankfully I won't be paying for it this time, but not a good habit to get into.

Yup, this sounds about right...

Oh and one more time, I'm calling for any readers/visitors of my blog to give a shout out... I'd love to hear from you! Seriously, even if it's just to say hello. It'd make my day! :)

Putting Myself Out There In More Ways Than One...

     To begin, I just want to update my status on my running training. I see that it has been awhile since I last logged in an entry, and that's because life has been kicking my ass lately. And since I have been so busy, I haven't really had time for full-blown workouts/training sessions, but at the same time, I didn't want to absolve completely and lose all of the progress I've made. So instead of long endurance runs, I have just been squeezing in mile runs whenever I can. And I know that this is going to sound ridiculous to some people (because it is pretty slow compared to what most people can do) but I am proud to announce that I have been running the mile at an average of 11:15. Now, after not being able to run a mile at all, this is pretty friggin' awesome.
     Ok, so now that we are (somewhat) up to date, I would like to report that after this evening, I am one step closer to checking #14 off my "to do" task list. I have been itching to get back into theater and musicals, especially after just finishing up with The Sound of Music, for which I choreographed. Yet for whatever reason, I would never go to auditions. They would come and go and I would curse myself for not mustering the courage to try out. However, tonight I stepped up and went to an audition. It was pretty painless, although the nerves came back and threw me a little out of whack. But overall, I could care less if they call me back or not; I went and to me, that's even more of a win than getting a part. I can't tell you how many times today I contemplated not going. I came up with at least 30 different excuses and even looked up the phone number to call in case I backed out. Maybe I was afraid of the judgement. Maybe I still always feel sub-par in many ways. Maybe I was just scared to put myself out there and get rejected. But either way, fear or not, I went.

Oh So Sore...Yet Oddly Satisfied

    Yikes, yesterday I went running and ran the distance of what would be a 5k. I had never done that before, so yippee! However, today I can't move. My muscles are on FIRE and I am struggling to even walk. My thighs, hamstrings, hip flexors are so tight that I feel like I'm gonna snap something important if I move too quickly. I took a hot bath, two tylenol, slathered on some Aspercreme and stretched the crap out of my legs but frig, no relief - not yet at least. (A brief notes on this: Apsercreme, Bengay, Nurprin all smell like Wint-o-green Lifesavers... ugh. me no likey! Can't someone come up with a pain relieving gel that smells like men's cologne or pina coladas? Yeah, let's get on that, shall we?) Ok, so long story short, I think I need to stretch a little more than I did before attempting another 3-4 mile run and two: muscles be damned, I did it baby! And I got the sore muscles to prove it! :)
   There is an official 5k run scheduled for April 10th and I think I am going to do it. (It is scaring the crap outta me, which makes me even more nervous about this upcoming Sprint Triathlon.) Well, I gotta get over my nerves/apprehension because there is no backing out... I've come this far, I'm not giving up now. However, I better stretch a little more effectively or else I won't have to quit, I'll just be crippled and unable to participate. Not cool.

Food Network... A Love/Hate Relationship.

   As a former uh... "robust woman", I will freely admit that I have always loved food. And I still LOVE food. Whether I weigh 80 pounds or 800 pounds, ain't nothin gonna change that! I was born into a very Italian household, where the focus of every holiday (and most weekends) was/is on food. What is being served? How much? At what time? Who's bringing dessert? On and on and on...you get the point. So now that I have been losing weight, I struggle with still fostering a passion for the culinary arts, but trying to balance it so that it isn't a focus of my life. Though I may fight it, I still enjoy watching the Food Network and acquiring new recipes to try; however, now I just use the recipes as a framework that I can work with and manipulate into a figure friendly version of itself. Naturally, some recipes are more successful than others but just because I'm losing weight, doesn't mean I have to forfeit a passion of mine. In fact, it challenges me to adjust my passion into my new lifestyle. And I think it will be that element which will be crucial to my success and long-term maintenance.
    So today I was watching the Barefoot Contessa (of whom normally I am not so much a fan). But today she made a Tuna Tapenade, which looked pretty darn interesting. Obviously, this prompted me to immediately run out to the store to buy the ingredients, come home and whip up a batch. AND IT WAS FRIGGIN DELICIOUS! I made several "accommodations" but holy cow, it was awesome. And best of all, I am always looking for protein packed meals that don't revolve around meat; (I'm not a big meat eater.) - So this to me was a win-win.

P.S - I don't know how copyright rules and whatnot goes but I give full credit/props whatever to Ina Garten (The Barefoot Contessa) and mean her no disrespect by tweaking her recipe a bit. Don't that say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery?

Tuna Tapenade

Ingredients

• 10 to 12 ounces canned or jarred Italian tuna packed in olive oil (I used tuna packed in water...)
• 2 teaspoons anchovy paste (I didn't use this either, so if you're not a fan, you won't miss it!)
• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley, plus extra for garnish
• 1 tablespoon grated lemon zest
• 2 teaspoons minced garlic (2 cloves)
• 3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 3 tablespoons good olive oil, plus extra for brushing bread
• 4 oz 1/3 less fat (Neufchatel) cream cheese
• 1/4 cup pitted and chopped kalamata olives
• 1 tablespoon drained capers (optional - I didn't use them!)
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 36 slices French bread, cut diagonally (I used Carr's Table Water Crackers... a little healthier)

Directions

Drain all but a tablespoon of olive oil (or water) from the tuna and then flake the fish into the bowl of a food processor fitted with the steel blade. Add the anchovy paste, thyme, parsley, lemon zest, and garlic and pulse a few times. Add the lemon juice, 3 tablespoons of olive oil (NOT the tuna oil!), and the cream cheese and process until almost smooth. Add the olives, capers, salt, and pepper and pulse just to incorporate. Transfer the mixture to a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

Meanwhile, heat a gas or charcoal grill or preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Brush the bread lightly on one side with olive oil. Grill the crostini on both sides until lightly browned or arrange the bread on a sheet pan and bake for 6 to 8 minutes. Allow to cool slightly.

Mound the tapenade on each toast, sprinkle with parsley, and serve.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! :)

Perspective, if you please...

    Everyone has their problems. Life is not perfect, not for anyone, despite deceptive outward appearance and facades. Life is difficult and is full of uphill battles. I understand that my obesity is difficult for me and has been for as long as I can remember. But I'm not suffering with cancer. I am not homeless. I am not starving. I think that every once and awhile we need to remind ourselves about perspective and how our troubles are all relative. We all have issues and bad days, but it's important to consider that not only are most problems temporary, but someone somewhere is struggling worse than you are.
    The reason that I decided to write about this is because my grandmother is 74 years old and, for as long as I can remember, she has always been a "negative nelly." Everything is doom and gloom; she discusses tragedy and drama more times than happiness and celebration. And even though I love her, it is daunting to be bogged down by constant negativity. This morning, she came over to my house (after going to church, mind you!) and, as per usual, began talking about all things depressing. Granted, she's 74 and I know that she is not going to change; she's been like this for forever. But what is with the complaining?!? First of all, I understand that sometimes we need to vent, but generally, complaining is counterproductive. If you are unhappy about something, take some steps to change it, instead of spending all of your time b*tching about it! And, a little perspective please. My 16 year old sister's best friend has Acute Myeloid Leukemia - and this kid does nothing but laugh and smile and fight (for her life).  If anyone has a reason to be mad at the world it would be her, and she is more positive than most people I know who struggle with far less difficult things. She's 15 years old and has greater perspective and wisdom than anyone I know.
    So when things seem insurmountable and generally impossible - a little perspective is all you need. This too shall pass. Give yourself a little time for a pity party and then pull yourself up by your boot straps. You have a life to live  - and if you don't watch out, it will pass you right by - or it might hand you something really worth complaining about!

It's the Little Things in Life...

    I just wanted to take a second to report that I couldn't physically put myself to bed the other night because I was too busy trying on all my new clothes and traipsing around my house like a maniac, modeling for myself and my dog. Not that I looked particularly cute or extravagant, but I couldn't get over how I am in a smaller size now that I was when I was in the 9th grade. I am the smallest I have been in 15 years. And damn it feels good.
   And I'm not going to lie and say that I don't enjoy the physical aspect of looking better. I know that sounds vain, but I've been literally working my ass off and it's nice to not feel self-consious all the time. But I will say that even better than the physical benefit to loosing 90 pounds, are the little daily victories - like not hating dressing rooms, or not dreading bathing suit shopping (ok, who am I kidding? Bathing suit shopping is the devil!) or actually caring about my outfits and how I look when I go out and not defaulting to t-shirts and oversized sweatshirts. I am noticing an internal change in myself in regards to how I perceive myself and how I want others to perceive me, and that in an of itself is big-doin's!
   Oh and on an irrelevant note: I can't wait for spring!

Wintertime Blues...

   It's cold outside. Like really cold.  So there's reason number one for my lull in motivation to workout. And second, (and perhaps more importantly), I have been on the verge of death as I have been fighting the flu for the past five days. Ugh...what a pain the ass. Fever. Body aches. Congestion. Totally gross. Forget about working out! (which has literally been the LAST thing on my mind) ... no, that's a lie.  - It's all I've been thinking about. I think about how I should be working out and am not, which makes me feel guilty, lazy and useless - which then makes me feel bad about myself and, ironically, makes me feel less driven to workout. I try to comfort myself by saying that I'll just spend a few days recuperating, nurse myself back to normal and then jump into working out with both feet, but as more days pass, I'm finding it harder to jolt my ass in gear.
    Well, I guess all I can say is: here's to the road bumps of life, right? It's not the obstacles we face that define us, it's how we choose to overcome them. I better brush myself off and get back on the damn horse, or should I say stationary bike. I mean, those calories aren't gonna burn themselves and dammit, I've come too far to fall behind now.

Next Stop... Awkward City!

    And now I know why I was never keen on online dating. Holy crap. I don't want to totally rip on the date, but overall, not good. He was very nice, but not a great conversationalist; it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to talk. And god forbid he ask me a question in return. Yikes. But on the bright side, it got me out of the house, I stepped outside of my comfort zone to try something new, AND I get to check off one of my bucket list goals! Yippee. You see, there is a silver lining to every grey cloud.
 

Tackling #12

   Ok, so I have a date tonight with a guy I met online. As I have previously mentioned, this has always kind of weirded me out, but I decided to get with the times and give it a whirl. In all honesty, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, I don't have an occasion to meet a lot of guys during the week as a teacher where I am (no lie) at least 20 years younger than every other faculty member! And by the time the weekend rolls around I'm either too exhausted to go out or have other plans with friends and whatnot. Therefore, after hearing about the success (and also horror stories) of others who have tried online dating, I figured "eh, what the hell?" If nothing else, I can claim that I've tried it and may walk away with some interesting stories, perhaps even a new friend or two.
   I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!

Just a quick request/note: if you stop by and read my blog, I'd LOVE to hear from you. You don't have to leave an epic message or a response necessarily, but even a "hello" would make my day! I have just been realizing that my visitor counter keeps going up (which is AWESOME!) but I'm not sure if people are visiting once and hating it, or just becoming disinterested or if I have some readers who are coming back to read more. So if you wouldn't mind or if you have a minute, I'd love to hear from you and/or know what you think about the posts. I'd really appreciate it! :)

Sweet Comfort in New Confidence

   So even though my Steelers lost, I must admit that I had a FANTASTIC weekend. I spent it with old friends, meeting new friends and feeling more comfortable with myself than I have in a long time. I felt flirty and fun and for the first time in a long time, I felt... unstoppable.  I debated about how detailed to get with this blog and realized that honesty is ordinarily the best policy, however, a girl is still entitled to some secrets, no? So, without getting too detailed, I ended up meeting a great guy and I can't decide if I am more excited about meeting such a cool guy, or the comfort and confidence I felt when I was with him. Now don't get me wrong, we aren't dating, we aren't even seeing each other, so it's not that I'm so comfortable because I've found "the one." No. Not even close. I am just saying that I didn't care if he grabbed my waist, or slid his hand down my back, I was like BRING IT ON BABY! Because even though I am far from skinny and my goal weight is a just speck on the horizon, I am feeling freakin' great. I was confident and, frankly didn't give a sh*t if I was being impressive or clever or sexy, I was happy just being myself. And apparently, that was good enough for him, which was great news for me. Anyway, so just for the record, confidence and comfort are NOT overrated.

Stairway to "Seven" Baby! - Go Steelers!

    I feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve! It is the Saturday before the Superbowl where my Pittsburgh Steelers are going to play for their SEVENTH Superbowl Championship and I couldn't be more excited! I have been a die hard Steelers fan since my undergraduate studies at UPitt... so for the record, I am not a "bandwagon" jumper! So, the reason that I wanted to explain my NFL fervor is because, in accordance with my passion for the Steelers and with my new found desire to find "adventures" in life, I decided to act my age for once, hop in the car and drive my ass to Pittsburgh to celebrate with my kindred Steeler fans.
    This is a huge feat for me seeing as most Friday and Saturday nights (especially pre-weight loss) were reserved for watching movies in my bed or doing something else by myself. I often stayed in because I was either too tired to do anything, or too self-conscious to put myself out in different situations. Now, I would like to defend myself by saying that I do have friends, it's just that none of them are local. Most of them live in Pittsburgh or elsewhere because after college we all went our separate ways and, though we are still close in friendship, in distance...not so much. But after much consideration, I thought, "Hey, why the hell not? What is stopping me?" I could either stay at home and watch the game with my family (who by the way, are not Steeler fans) OR I could go and be a part of the action.
     Long story short, I couldn't have made a better decision. This weekend was just what I needed to remind me that I am young and still have a lot of fun left to experience!  Today was a perfect day spent with good friends in a city that is buzzing with excitement of a possible Superbowl victory. It is great to be back in my old stomping ground where I am now fused into the passion and excitement that is taking over the city. And I can't wait 'til we win tomorrow night (cross your fingers!) to see "Steeler Nation" take to the streets and really go buck wild - and I, thanks to my decision to live my life, I will be apart of it.
 

(Me in the Strip District the day before the Superbowl! Stupid Packers!)

Spin Class - Not for the faint of heart ... literally!

    As you may have guessed, I have started spin classes as part of my training for the Triathlon Sprint; the course I am looking to do is .3 mile swim, approx. an 11 mile bike course and a 5k run (about 3.2 miles). I know that spinning isn't quite the same as cycling on the road, but it is a good substitute while the temperatures here in PA are in the single digits. Plus, I've never actually cycled before; I mean, I can ride a bike, but as far as distance cycling, I am a complete rookie. Therefore, spin classes and indoor stationary bikes will have to do until I decide to man up and brave the weather (aka buy or rent a cycling bike and muster the nerve to dodge traffic and tackle hilly terrain. Yikes!)
    Actually, I have been enjoying my spin classes. Though I will admit, they are friggin tough and looooong! Normally my goal is to do 30 minutes of cardio majority of the week (at least 3x... but ideally more than that.) These spin classes are 60 minutes of grueling physical exercise, which I'm sure is awesome for my bod and my heart, etc... but is sometimes more of a struggle mentally. I mean, I literally have to FIGHT myself from looking at the clock every 30 seconds. But my method is to focus on the music, which has been pretty good: lots of classic rock and upbeat jams. Sometimes I have to refrain from singing aloud; although tonight, the instructor caught me pantomiming playing the drums and rockin a fierce air guitar solo... yes, all while riding a bike. Well, whatever gets us through, right?
     But in all seriousness, the sense of pride and accomplishment I feel after an intense workout is indescribable, especially when reflecting upon how 90 pounds ago, this would have been damn near impossible. Those are the things that I try to focus on. (I know I said it was air guitar solos, and of course those are important too, haha)... but it's knowing that I am getting stronger mentally and physically with every workout I complete and with every good food choice I make.
     So this is what endorphins feel like?? Me likey! :)

Just Another Day in Paradise...

    I have always loved to dance. I spent my youth as a cheerleader and on dance teams, in spite of my much larger size than was (and still is) ordinarily and stereotypically accepted. Now, I am a teacher at a high school and  for the past three years, have continued my passion for dance as the choreographer for their spring musical. I have always loved it, but this year I am especially loving not huffing and puffing my way through the dance routines. Last spring when I was going through the audition piece I choreographed, I couldn't keep up... with my own moves! It wasn't until then that I realized how difficult it was to dance and count aloud and BREATHE all at the same time. My chest was heaving, I was sweating and I often had to stop and just count out the beats while the girls danced and twirled around me.
    But today, I was dancin' my ass off with the best of them. In fact, I was running circles around my high schoolers, daring them to keep up! It is in those little moments of realization of how significant my weight loss has been on even the smallest of tasks that makes me smile and feel so blessed to have taken my life back.
    I know I already divulged why I started this blog, but I want to go on record saying that I don't care if I have one person who reads this or one million, in a way, I feel like this blog is just as much for me as it is for others. This blog will hopefully prove to be a constant reminder of how lucky I am to be alive and as I write daily on all of the "adventures" I am now having,  will hopefully help me to keep on track with continuing to lose the weight I want and then maintain my weight loss when the time comes.

The Bucket List

    Alright, so I feel that I should begin by telling you that when I first conceived this blog idea, it was originally to chronicle my trials and tribulations specific to training for a Triathlon Sprint (which, may I mention, is rapidly approaching six months from now!) I wanted to explain that I was a fat girl and have, since my journey through weight loss, transformed into a motivated wildebeest of unbridled intensity and motivation - but that would be a lie. Don't get me wrong, I am determined; I am ready for this challenge, but the moments of laziness and sparks of sheer terror at the thought of swimming, biking, and running for the majority of a whole day pretty much makes my hair uncurl. I can't pretend that there aren't moments where I still think I can't do it. There are definitely still moments where I think like a fat girl, and see myself as a fat girl. At times, I do become overwhelmed when I focus on the negativity of "can't." But the difference now is that I've seen myself do something that I never thought was possible! This epiphany has opened the door to the millions of things that I once thought to be impossible. So negativity be damned, I am going to complete a Triathlon Sprint, and soon.

     But then I got to thinking, "Once I finish with that, then what? Will my blogging days be over only six months after they've begun? ... Oh hell no they won't because I have more adventures to accomplish!"  Thus, the birth of my blog began. 

     Lastly, I just wanted to jot down, for those who care, a few of the goals that I have on this "bucket list." Some of them have to do with things from which I had restricted myself due to my weight, and others are just life goals and aspirations to make me grow and mature as a person. Ideally, I would accomplish the majority of these tasks before I'm 30, which was how the list was initially intended when I first started it two years ago. (Fear not friends, I haven't been sitting on my laurels waiting idly by for the past two years without checking some things off my list. I have accomplished some pretty lofty goals during that time, like spending a year as a vegetarian and picking up an moving to a different state, and some other good ones.) Back to present however, three years may not be enough time to do it all, and seeing as I just recently lost the weight that was holding me back from some of these tasks, I may be able to give myself an extension. 

So here are a few of my goals (and the list continues to grow):

1. Loose 100 lbs (almost there!)
2. Complete a Triathlon Sprint (this goal actually started as just a 5k but hey, what's wrong with stretching my wings and the brinks of my sanity?)
3. Tell someone how I am truly feeling without fear of hurting their feelings
4. Get a professional photo shoot done (I'm not talking about Sears Photo Studio, I mean like a fashionista hot-mama type of a shoot)
5. Join a sports team (oh dear...)
6. Become a MAC makeup artist
7. Be conversational in one new language
8. Complete a full length novel
9. Participate somehow in the production of the Vagina Monologues
10. Head a major volunteer project
11. Take a trip with just my mom and me
12. Go on a date with someone I meet online (ugh... this terrifies me...)
13. Be spontaneous without fear of repercussion
14. Re-involve myself in theater
15. Get set up on a date
16. Become involved in a Book Club
17. Start an A Cappella group
18. Live alone
19. Pick up an move somewhere new
20. Visit the Northern Lights
21. Visit an Asian country (maybe Vietnam or Japan?)
22. Party in Amsterdam
23. Go to a Superbowl (preferably one that the Steelers are in and will win!)
24. Go to a movie premier and walk down the red carpet looking FABULOUS!
25. Go on a date with *P.D (haha... this is a little bit hilarious)
26. Work as a makeup artist on a film set

... (more to come)...

Ok so as I train for, prepare for, accomplish, etc these goals, I will be writing along the way to share with you all of the joys and the pains that will inevitably ensue. Actually, I am banking more on hilarity than anything else, which at its most basic level, should provide some entertainment for you at my expense. And I'm ok with that. Hell, isn't that what it's all about? In fact, Dave Matthews said it best when he said "The space between the tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us comin' back for more."
Smart man.


UPDATE: As of August 22, 2013 I have completed: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 10, 12, 13, 14, & 17
Hopefully while living in London I'll be able to check off the list: 7 (does Cockney count? - haha j/k), 8, 18, 19, 20, & 22
Guess I gotta dream up some new goals to add to the list! :)

And so it begins...

       As you probably have guessed, I used to be fat... and it was not so long ago that this was my reality. In fact, over the last half of a year, I have lost 85 pounds and am still going strong. (woohoo!) I'm not sure of a goal weight or how much more I want to lose, all I know is that I am doing things that I never thought I would be doing; I am living the life I was meant to live. I am 27 years old and before this cataclysmic transformation, I had been acting like an 85 year old grandma, often opting out of activities due to issues with self-confidence (or lack thereof) or for fear that others would think, "What is that fat girl doing!?!"
       Now granted, I have never really been big on caring about what others think, that is until I reached almost 300 pounds. When you literally become an entity that even you don't understand, it is easy to believe that EVERYONE is judging you. And why the hell wouldn't they be? I mean, I spent most of my day judging myself so I guess I figured everyone would follow suit.
      Oh and for the record, I didn't "get fat" due to complete negligence or insatiable gluttony. In fact, if I catalogued all of the gyms I've belonged to and the number (and types) of classes I've attended, weight loss programs I've bought into and specialists I've seen, we'd pretty much be here all day. I've been overweight my entire life. Call it my genetic constitution, call it my not-so-lucky lot in life, call it whatever you want; but long story short, this has been an epic battle, my epic battle, for as long as I can remember. My first formal weight loss program was LA Weight Loss, when I was 12 years old... and the complex developed from there. Anyway, so tack on (as previously mentioned) about 15 years of fad diets and failed weight loss attempts and it reached the point where I was almost resigned to just accept the hand I'd been dealt and try to live as a happy fat girl. It was at that point that I realized that I had reached a crossroads - Am I throwing in the towel, giving up too soon?Am I allowing myself to be defeated? Would I consider this defeat? Or is this me finding happiness in who I am? I mean, if it is in the cards for me to be fat, maybe I should just find a level of comfort in my own skin and own it. I batted it around for awhile and realized that as I was growing in size, my self-worth was shrinking... rapidly. And that was definitely NOT the direction I wanted my life to take.
      Actually, not to toot my own horn, but I am smart. I am funny. I am cultured and witty. I have dreams and ambitions. I am fun and independent. I have attended an Ivy League University; I have lived in Paris and studied at the Sorbonne. I speak French. I am well-read. And on and on and on. Even at my heaviest, I completed the Breast Cancer 3Day - a 60 mile walk over the course of three days. I know that I have a lot to offer this world; so how can I allow myself to be defined as "fat" and leave it at that. Was I going to allow the world to see the me the way that I was, unfortunately, allowing myself to become? I am not now, nor have I ever been a singular, one-dimensional being. I am dynamic and have discovered a need to show the world that I am a sum of my very many parts!
      For that reason, I am taking life by the balls and fulfilling the long list of things that I have been benching as a cause of my weight. Life ain't holding me back no more! So for those of you reading this that are: hoping to lose weight, have been fortunate enough to drop the pounds that have been holding you back, or even those who, regardless of their weight, feel that they are not living up to their potential... GET OFF YOUR RUMPS AND LET'S KICK SOME ASS TOGETHER! I've decided I'm not going down without a fight, and I have a lot of life to live and a lot of time to make up for. It's now or never baby. Let's rock and roll! Who's with me?