It's the Little Things in Life...

    I just wanted to take a second to report that I couldn't physically put myself to bed the other night because I was too busy trying on all my new clothes and traipsing around my house like a maniac, modeling for myself and my dog. Not that I looked particularly cute or extravagant, but I couldn't get over how I am in a smaller size now that I was when I was in the 9th grade. I am the smallest I have been in 15 years. And damn it feels good.
   And I'm not going to lie and say that I don't enjoy the physical aspect of looking better. I know that sounds vain, but I've been literally working my ass off and it's nice to not feel self-consious all the time. But I will say that even better than the physical benefit to loosing 90 pounds, are the little daily victories - like not hating dressing rooms, or not dreading bathing suit shopping (ok, who am I kidding? Bathing suit shopping is the devil!) or actually caring about my outfits and how I look when I go out and not defaulting to t-shirts and oversized sweatshirts. I am noticing an internal change in myself in regards to how I perceive myself and how I want others to perceive me, and that in an of itself is big-doin's!
   Oh and on an irrelevant note: I can't wait for spring!

Wintertime Blues...

   It's cold outside. Like really cold.  So there's reason number one for my lull in motivation to workout. And second, (and perhaps more importantly), I have been on the verge of death as I have been fighting the flu for the past five days. Ugh...what a pain the ass. Fever. Body aches. Congestion. Totally gross. Forget about working out! (which has literally been the LAST thing on my mind) ... no, that's a lie.  - It's all I've been thinking about. I think about how I should be working out and am not, which makes me feel guilty, lazy and useless - which then makes me feel bad about myself and, ironically, makes me feel less driven to workout. I try to comfort myself by saying that I'll just spend a few days recuperating, nurse myself back to normal and then jump into working out with both feet, but as more days pass, I'm finding it harder to jolt my ass in gear.
    Well, I guess all I can say is: here's to the road bumps of life, right? It's not the obstacles we face that define us, it's how we choose to overcome them. I better brush myself off and get back on the damn horse, or should I say stationary bike. I mean, those calories aren't gonna burn themselves and dammit, I've come too far to fall behind now.

Next Stop... Awkward City!

    And now I know why I was never keen on online dating. Holy crap. I don't want to totally rip on the date, but overall, not good. He was very nice, but not a great conversationalist; it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to talk. And god forbid he ask me a question in return. Yikes. But on the bright side, it got me out of the house, I stepped outside of my comfort zone to try something new, AND I get to check off one of my bucket list goals! Yippee. You see, there is a silver lining to every grey cloud.
 

Tackling #12

   Ok, so I have a date tonight with a guy I met online. As I have previously mentioned, this has always kind of weirded me out, but I decided to get with the times and give it a whirl. In all honesty, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, I don't have an occasion to meet a lot of guys during the week as a teacher where I am (no lie) at least 20 years younger than every other faculty member! And by the time the weekend rolls around I'm either too exhausted to go out or have other plans with friends and whatnot. Therefore, after hearing about the success (and also horror stories) of others who have tried online dating, I figured "eh, what the hell?" If nothing else, I can claim that I've tried it and may walk away with some interesting stories, perhaps even a new friend or two.
   I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!

Just a quick request/note: if you stop by and read my blog, I'd LOVE to hear from you. You don't have to leave an epic message or a response necessarily, but even a "hello" would make my day! I have just been realizing that my visitor counter keeps going up (which is AWESOME!) but I'm not sure if people are visiting once and hating it, or just becoming disinterested or if I have some readers who are coming back to read more. So if you wouldn't mind or if you have a minute, I'd love to hear from you and/or know what you think about the posts. I'd really appreciate it! :)

Sweet Comfort in New Confidence

   So even though my Steelers lost, I must admit that I had a FANTASTIC weekend. I spent it with old friends, meeting new friends and feeling more comfortable with myself than I have in a long time. I felt flirty and fun and for the first time in a long time, I felt... unstoppable.  I debated about how detailed to get with this blog and realized that honesty is ordinarily the best policy, however, a girl is still entitled to some secrets, no? So, without getting too detailed, I ended up meeting a great guy and I can't decide if I am more excited about meeting such a cool guy, or the comfort and confidence I felt when I was with him. Now don't get me wrong, we aren't dating, we aren't even seeing each other, so it's not that I'm so comfortable because I've found "the one." No. Not even close. I am just saying that I didn't care if he grabbed my waist, or slid his hand down my back, I was like BRING IT ON BABY! Because even though I am far from skinny and my goal weight is a just speck on the horizon, I am feeling freakin' great. I was confident and, frankly didn't give a sh*t if I was being impressive or clever or sexy, I was happy just being myself. And apparently, that was good enough for him, which was great news for me. Anyway, so just for the record, confidence and comfort are NOT overrated.

Stairway to "Seven" Baby! - Go Steelers!

    I feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve! It is the Saturday before the Superbowl where my Pittsburgh Steelers are going to play for their SEVENTH Superbowl Championship and I couldn't be more excited! I have been a die hard Steelers fan since my undergraduate studies at UPitt... so for the record, I am not a "bandwagon" jumper! So, the reason that I wanted to explain my NFL fervor is because, in accordance with my passion for the Steelers and with my new found desire to find "adventures" in life, I decided to act my age for once, hop in the car and drive my ass to Pittsburgh to celebrate with my kindred Steeler fans.
    This is a huge feat for me seeing as most Friday and Saturday nights (especially pre-weight loss) were reserved for watching movies in my bed or doing something else by myself. I often stayed in because I was either too tired to do anything, or too self-conscious to put myself out in different situations. Now, I would like to defend myself by saying that I do have friends, it's just that none of them are local. Most of them live in Pittsburgh or elsewhere because after college we all went our separate ways and, though we are still close in friendship, in distance...not so much. But after much consideration, I thought, "Hey, why the hell not? What is stopping me?" I could either stay at home and watch the game with my family (who by the way, are not Steeler fans) OR I could go and be a part of the action.
     Long story short, I couldn't have made a better decision. This weekend was just what I needed to remind me that I am young and still have a lot of fun left to experience!  Today was a perfect day spent with good friends in a city that is buzzing with excitement of a possible Superbowl victory. It is great to be back in my old stomping ground where I am now fused into the passion and excitement that is taking over the city. And I can't wait 'til we win tomorrow night (cross your fingers!) to see "Steeler Nation" take to the streets and really go buck wild - and I, thanks to my decision to live my life, I will be apart of it.
 

(Me in the Strip District the day before the Superbowl! Stupid Packers!)

Spin Class - Not for the faint of heart ... literally!

    As you may have guessed, I have started spin classes as part of my training for the Triathlon Sprint; the course I am looking to do is .3 mile swim, approx. an 11 mile bike course and a 5k run (about 3.2 miles). I know that spinning isn't quite the same as cycling on the road, but it is a good substitute while the temperatures here in PA are in the single digits. Plus, I've never actually cycled before; I mean, I can ride a bike, but as far as distance cycling, I am a complete rookie. Therefore, spin classes and indoor stationary bikes will have to do until I decide to man up and brave the weather (aka buy or rent a cycling bike and muster the nerve to dodge traffic and tackle hilly terrain. Yikes!)
    Actually, I have been enjoying my spin classes. Though I will admit, they are friggin tough and looooong! Normally my goal is to do 30 minutes of cardio majority of the week (at least 3x... but ideally more than that.) These spin classes are 60 minutes of grueling physical exercise, which I'm sure is awesome for my bod and my heart, etc... but is sometimes more of a struggle mentally. I mean, I literally have to FIGHT myself from looking at the clock every 30 seconds. But my method is to focus on the music, which has been pretty good: lots of classic rock and upbeat jams. Sometimes I have to refrain from singing aloud; although tonight, the instructor caught me pantomiming playing the drums and rockin a fierce air guitar solo... yes, all while riding a bike. Well, whatever gets us through, right?
     But in all seriousness, the sense of pride and accomplishment I feel after an intense workout is indescribable, especially when reflecting upon how 90 pounds ago, this would have been damn near impossible. Those are the things that I try to focus on. (I know I said it was air guitar solos, and of course those are important too, haha)... but it's knowing that I am getting stronger mentally and physically with every workout I complete and with every good food choice I make.
     So this is what endorphins feel like?? Me likey! :)

Just Another Day in Paradise...

    I have always loved to dance. I spent my youth as a cheerleader and on dance teams, in spite of my much larger size than was (and still is) ordinarily and stereotypically accepted. Now, I am a teacher at a high school and  for the past three years, have continued my passion for dance as the choreographer for their spring musical. I have always loved it, but this year I am especially loving not huffing and puffing my way through the dance routines. Last spring when I was going through the audition piece I choreographed, I couldn't keep up... with my own moves! It wasn't until then that I realized how difficult it was to dance and count aloud and BREATHE all at the same time. My chest was heaving, I was sweating and I often had to stop and just count out the beats while the girls danced and twirled around me.
    But today, I was dancin' my ass off with the best of them. In fact, I was running circles around my high schoolers, daring them to keep up! It is in those little moments of realization of how significant my weight loss has been on even the smallest of tasks that makes me smile and feel so blessed to have taken my life back.
    I know I already divulged why I started this blog, but I want to go on record saying that I don't care if I have one person who reads this or one million, in a way, I feel like this blog is just as much for me as it is for others. This blog will hopefully prove to be a constant reminder of how lucky I am to be alive and as I write daily on all of the "adventures" I am now having,  will hopefully help me to keep on track with continuing to lose the weight I want and then maintain my weight loss when the time comes.